WHAT IF I TOLD YOU YOUR CONCEPT OF SELF-LOVE...
... IS WRONG?
For many years, my journey was marked by a disturbing rhythm, a repetitive cycle that felt like an uninvited guest.
Many times, I found myself slipping into the darkness of depression, the despair of self-doubt, and the disgust in myself. It was a private prison and a personal purgatory where joy felt distant and peace felt like a fleeting whisper. For the longest time, this was a relentless, recurring pattern in my life, like an unseen assailant that stole my serenity.
It took me forever—or so it felt—to figure out the underlying, insidious cause of all of it. The root of the rot, the genesis of the gloom, was a profound, pervasive lack of self-love.
I mean, I would say it occasionally, almost like a learnt phrase. I would accept the compliment, acknowledge the sentiment, but deep down, in the secret chambers of my heart, I didn't believe it. The words were present on my lips, the concept vaguely understood in my mind, but the conviction was conspicuously absent. It turns out, despite the affirmations, I didn't truly love myself.
Then, a word from a prophetic voice struck a chord in my heart and shattered the ceiling of my self-perception. The formidable Dr. Cindy Trimm once declared with piercing precision: "You cannot outperform your current concept of self. You can't rise above the level of your self-worth."
Shaper, when I heard that, every fibre of my being resonated with its profound truth. It was a revelation that made me understand the ripped away veil of my struggle.
If your internal estimation of yourself is low, if your self-worth is withered, then your external achievements will always be capped.
You will hit an invisible and insurmountable barrier defined by your own internal narrative.
You cannot have a healthy sense of self-worth or a healthy self-concept when you don't truly, genuinely love yourself.
Your capacity for creativity, connection, and Kingdom contribution is directly tied to the compassion you extend to your own soul.
This brings us to a critical juncture, Shaper. The world today has an unhealthy, often unholy, definition and preaching about "self-love." What does the world often peddle as self-love?
The world often portrays Self-Love as Self-Indulgence: "Treat yourself!" "You deserve it!" (often leading to impulse buying, excessive consumption, or immediate gratification without discipline).
Self-love is marketed as superficial pampering: luxurious spa days, expensive shopping sprees, endless vacations (without addressing underlying emotional or spiritual needs).
It is twisted into narcissistic self-worship: prioritising your desires above all else, at the expense of others, or an inflated sense of superiority.
Self-Love is sometimes used to justify lack of discipline or accountability: "I'm just listening to my body" (when it's really procrastination) or "I'm doing what makes me happy" (even if it harms future self or others).
It often focuses on external validation (likes, comments, attention) as a measure of self-worth, which is a fragile foundation indeed.
But Divine wisdom paints a vastly different, deeply disciplined and profoundly purposeful picture of self-love.
True self-love is not about immediate gratification. It is about future glorification.
Self-love means having the discipline to do the things that move you closer to your destined self, that moves you closer to your future self, to the person God has called you to be. It means fulfilling the promises you have made to yourself in the form of goals, commitments and consistent effort. It's about nurturing your spirit, soul, and body, not for fleeting pleasure, but for enduring purpose.
Self-love means having the discipline to do the things that move you closer to your destined self.
Let's place these two definitions side-by-side, Shaper, the world's hollow echoes versus Heaven's holistic blueprint:
World’s Self Love says, “Self-Indulgence” which simply means instant gratification and pleasure. Whereas, “Divine Self-Love “ preaches Self-Discipline which simply means long-term growth and purpose-driven action.
The World says, “External Validation” which means living based on what others think/say (even when their mouths say they don't care, their heart does.) Divine Self-Love teaches Internal Validation which is based on God's truth about your identity.
The world says “Avoid Discomfort. Follow the easy path with no struggle”. Divine Love knows a different truth which is: Embracing Growth, Confronting Challenges, and Stretching Your Limits. Because the limit is YOU. You are unlimited. Only you can make you limited.
World's Self-Love is a Preacher of Narcissism, Self-worship and prioritising "me". But Divine Self-Love preaches, “Stewardship and Valuing the temple for God's glory.”
Finally, the world says “Passive Acceptance. "Love me as I am" (no growth). Nobody is going to accept you the way you are if you don't grow. God wants you to grow. Divine Self-Love is based on active cultivation and becoming the best version of self. |
This Divine understanding of self-love is not about being "soft" on yourself but about being strategically shrewd with your soul. It is about knowing your value so intimately that you refuse to settle for anything less than God's best for you, and you actively participate in your own transformation.
Your Divine DNA makes you inherently valuable. You are not a mistake; you are a masterpiece!
The Bible does not explicitly use the phrase "self-love" in the modern sense, but it paint
The Bible does not explicitly use the phrase "self-love" in the modern sense, but it paints a profound picture of inherent worth and the mandate to cherish ourselves as God's creation, often implicitly through the command to love others as we love ourselves.
Genesis 1:27 (NIV): "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." Your Divine DNA makes you inherently valuable. You are not a mistake; you are a masterpiece! This is the bedrock of your self-worth. As Cindy Trimm rightly puts it,
“You had permission to be great the moment you were conceived.” — Dr. Cindy Trimm
Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV): "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." This is a powerful affirmation of your unique design. To truly appreciate God's wonderful work is an act of self-love.
Mark 12:31 (NIV): "The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these." This foundational commandment implicitly requires self-love.
You cannot genuinely love your neighbour in a healthy, sustainable way if you do not possess a healthy love and regard for yourself. This is not about being self-obsessed, but self-aware and self-nurturing so you have something good to give.
Ephesians 5:29 (NIV) says “After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church." Paul speaks of basic human instinct to care for one's own body. This natural self-preservation and care should extend to our whole being—spirit, soul, and body—as a form of stewardship and self-honouring.
True happiness comes from living in accordance with your highest potential, which requires self-mastery and self-cultivation.
The late, great Dr. Myles Munroe often spoke about purpose and potential, asserting that true self-worth comes from recognizing the treasure God has placed within you and diligently bringing it forth.
The greatest tragedy in life is not death, but life without a purpose.
Maya Angelou championed self-respect and dignity. "I don't trust people who don't love themselves and tell me, 'I love you.' There is an African saying: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt."
Genuine outward love flows from an internal reservoir of self-acceptance and value.
My past pain of depression and self-disgust gave way to the profound purpose of intentional self-cultivation. This journey of loving me has been a radical candour with my own flaws and fears, met with raw compassion for the human experience.
Stop focusing on your perceived unworthiness, else your past failures to meet personal goals, or the world's misleading messages about self-love, will expand. But if you fix your gaze on the Almighty Creator, on the promise of His transforming power that enables you to cherish yourself, and the profound potential of your destined self, then His peace, His joy, and His profound purpose will expand in your life beyond your wildest imagination.
It's time to redefine "self-love" in your life. It's time to make it a disciplined devotion to the Divine design that is YOU.
What is one self-honouring discipline you will commit to this week, Shaper, that moves you closer to your destined self?
Share your powerful insights and personal pledges in the comments below!
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Shape On, Shaper!